@QwertyJones3: Hangin with my peeps at the club. Biting their heads off, one by one. Enjoying their marshmallow deliciousness.
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@AmishPornStar1: Interviewer: Why should we hire you? Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.
@AmberTozer: Good thing "you only live once" has really caught on otherwise we might all kill ourselves like it's no big deal
@SCbchbum: Before sprinting towards the elevator, ask yourself, “Am I hot enough to make them hold the door?”
@AIMMadellynne: Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn't have.