@DanDoofus: Hangovers only happen to people who stop drinking.
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@ohpeetie: [ Boyfriend walks into the room ] Well, well, well....if it isn't the boy who tried to break up with me in a dream last night.
@omerwahaj: An eskimo sitting in a kayak was chilly. He lit a fire. Unsurprisingly the kayak sank. Moral: You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
@Sanbel11: When a husband asks you if you think it's possible to love someone forever... "If I find the right person" is apparently the wrong answer.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: I'll never call a radio station because I'm afraid they'll give me tickets to go somewhere and do something.