@DanDoofus: Hangovers only happen to people who stop drinking.
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@JermHimselfish: My doctor told me my testosterone level was unusually high. At least that's what I think he said, I could hardly hear him over the chainsaw.
@shawnries: Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode.
@_b1p0larbear: I wondered if my wife was asleep so I held my phone a foot over her face and turned it on. Then I dropped it onto her nose. She's awake now.