@DanDoofus: Hangovers only happen to people who stop drinking.
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@iamburtjarvis: "911, what's the emergency?" we were robbed. they stole the wireless router "calm down" also they shot my grandma or something. not sure
@ThisOneSayz: When you smile and laugh and pretend you heard a word they said. ~ Night club conversations and marriage
@david8hughes: [interrogation] What were u doing last nite? I was killin my neighbour, Bert. Louder for the tape? [leans in] Fillin in paperwork. Busy guy.
@MelvinofYork: If my wife calls me passive-aggressive one more time I swear to God I'm going to run the dishwasher half-empty again