@funnyordie: Happy Columbus Day! Celebrate by going to the wrong house after work then claiming it as your own.
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@MaraWritesStuff: "You kids and your smartphones, when we were your age we just dealt with having nothing to do with our hands." *Lights another cigarette*
@slaughthie: Someone told me they dont get tattoos cuz "you dont put bumper stickers on a Ferrari" which was weird bc he was a 92 Chevy caprice at best
@SCbchbum: One of the most effective forms of birth control is assembling furniture together as a couple.