@Playing_Dad: Happy Passive Aggressive day! Don't worry, I didn't want you to get me anything anyway. No, it's fine. Don't worry about it.
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@david8hughes: [first day working at the pizzeria] Me [cheeks full like a hamster]: boss, we've run out of everything
@evofck: My roommate wouldn't let me name our wireless network 'Bill Wi the Science Fi' because he has no sense of humor.
@MooseAllain: In the UK we call them lifts but in the US they call them elevators, because we’re raised differently.