@Playing_Dad: Happy Passive Aggressive day! Don't worry, I didn't want you to get me anything anyway. No, it's fine. Don't worry about it.
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@SirEviscerate: If Kellyanne Conway is right and microwaves spy on us, the CIA has a hell of a lot of data on me reheating coffee then forgetting about it.
@williamwanton: Therapist: Alright, let's start at the beginning Me: *Sighs* I guess it all really started when I wasn't born a centaur
@lazerdoov: Mcdonalds showing people doing yoga in their commercials is like George Bush having a library named after him.
@ImFordTough: Pretty awesome how you can buy chocolates on February 13th and everyone assumes you have a girlfriend & not a grudge w/ your neighbor's dog.