@PJTLynch: Has anyone checked whether cows really have 4 stomachs? Because it kinda sounds like a lie a cow made up once to get more food
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@TheTweetOfGod: Retweet this and something good will happen at some point in the near future that you can choose to attribute to having retweeted this.
@RobDenBleyker: Margaret Thatcher died?? And more importantly, Margaret Thatcher was still alive??!!
@DaddyJew: Cashier: how would you like to pay? Me: with my good looks if possible Cashier: Me: Cashier: Me: credit
@ShutUpThatsWho: HOT GIRL AT WORK: I saw Death Of A Salesman last night & I really loved it ME: [trying to impress her] I've murdered 7 pizza delivery guys