@Bownuggets: Hate it when we run out of clean towels so I have to ride my white stallion Gregory up and down the driveway real fast to dry my mullet
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@TopherKearby: Want to know what it's like to have kids? 1. Gather everything you own. 2. Throw it all on the floor. 3. Pick it up. 4. Repeat for infinity.
@lovemydogduck: Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car.
@JamesHavoc: Sometimes I think we are capable of great things as a species, but then I notice how many people can't put their shopping cart away.
@peterjames48: Birth certificates need a popup dialog box: "Are you SURE you want to spell your kid's name that way?"