@rolldiggity: Hate when the cop is like, "Sir, have you been petting kittens?" and I say, "I petted a few..." as I open the car door and kittens spill out
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@Dawn_M_: Don't judge me because I like 80's music. Judge me because I had a late term abortion because a baby would ruin my holiday plans.
@trojansauce: [after i confess to murder] COP: sarge? you gotta see this [shows interrogation video and sees my fingers crossed the whole time]
@kennyflorian: Can't trust CNN? Next thing ya know Nigerian royalty sending me emails will be fake.