@rolldiggity: Hate when the cop is like, "Sir, have you been petting kittens?" and I say, "I petted a few..." as I open the car door and kittens spill out
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@AbbyHasIssues: The only way an adult coloring book could help calm my stress is if it was somehow edible.
@Fred_Delicious: [at KFC] "One bargain bucket please" "ok sir, and would you like any sides?" "Yes please, otherwise the chicken will fall out"
@Marlebean: If insanity is repeating the same action expecting a different outcome, should I just wait til my kids are in college to clean the house?
@AnOrangeSNES: In space, nobody can hear you scream for ice cream. So remember, before trips to colonize the galaxy bring your Ben & Jerrys.