@Kyle_Lippert: Have girl problem? Feel bad for you son. I live in Russia. Have 99 problems. Bear ate car. Wife ate bear. Son ate wife. I eat son now?
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@Mr_Kapowski: Coworkers: Zack, you should come to a hookah bar with us! Me: Why? Who's celebrating their 12th birthday?
@novicefather: [Personal ad] Seeking hostile female rage rhino to suffocate me with her thighs. Smoker's cough a plus. Oxygen tank required. No crazies.
@LouisPeitzman: This is probably going to sound really gay, but the sunset is GORGEOUS right now and I love making out with dudes.
@Dishy2101: I used to think LOL meant lots of love. Oh! You're Aunt died? So sorry. LOL! Took me years to rebuild friendships.