@natalie2111: Have you ever listened to someone talk for a while and started to wonder "who ties your shoelaces for you?"
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@Robert_Beau: At Dairy Queen: Me: Medium Heath Blizzard please. DQ: You wanna spoon? Me: Sure, when do you get off?
@drinksmcgee: Me: C'mon, baby. Send me a pic. Her: I dunno. Me: Baby, please. I need it. Her: Fine. *Opens pic of pug dressed like a duck* Me: Sweeeeeet
@Dawn_M_: My online boyfriend loves me so much that once I put my money in his PayPal account he is coming to visit me.
@ericsshadow: My wife spent two weeks deciding what color to paint the bathroom. I got a cat on my 9th birthday and named it Cat.