@natalie2111: Have you ever listened to someone talk for a while and started to wonder "who ties your shoelaces for you?"
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@living_marble: MEN: we're gonna stop flirting at work and giving unasked-for hugs WOMEN: great MEN: wait, no, you don't understand, those were threats
@OfficialMizGin: Him: Why do you wear riding boots? You don’t ride horses. Me: Why do you wear sneakers? You don’t sneak.
@ArfMeasures: [During sex] GF: I meant to ask before, but you took the test, right? ME: Yes GF: Oh thank God ME: Apparently I'm most like Chandler
@ArfMeasures: DATE: I'm a historian, I love the mediaeval era ME: [trying to impress her] *dies at 28*