@13spencer: Have you guys seen that great television show, "Candy Crush Saga With The Sound From Another Television Show Playing In The Background?"
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@MensHumor: Halloween is, by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.
@TheToddWilliams: [Jedi Training] TRAINER: Any questions? STUDENT: Can the Force be with me? TRAINER: I don't know...CAN it? STUDENT: Oh right...May the Force
@Tmoney68: Girl, are you an umbrella? Because you're never with me when I need you & I've forgotten you at a restaurant 4 or 5 times.