@birbigs: Have you heard about these cats getting plastic surgery to look like kittens?
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@david8hughes: [soldier dying in my arms] Soldier: tell my wife- Me: dude I'm already giving messages for 3 guys. Just wait until she dies & tell yourself
@TheToddWilliams: ELEPHANT COP: I recognize you LION: I just have one of those familiar faces ELEPHANT COP: You don't know who the hell you're dealing with
@JermHimselfish: Googled woodworking. Broke my coffee table down and built a birdhouse. Desk is now a birdhouse too. Pretty much everything's a birdhouse now