@EricaWhoToYou: *power walks to the refrigerator*

@AnkCoupleTO: [2000] Satan: I need a new idea on how to mess with people Henchman 1: New STD? S: No H2: Incurable virus? S: No H3: A cameraphone S: Nice

@TheToddWilliams: KID: Dad? DAD: Yes, son KID: What is the true meaning of Easter? DAD: Well my boy, when someone wants to go very, very East they g- KID: Never mind

@AntozWolf: Never ever make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for a long time....

@murrman5: wife: it looks too tight me: it's fine, let's just go [ten minutes later paramedics have to cut my turtleneck off after I pass out]