@dafloydsta: Have you tried just Photoshopping her into your life?
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@Slims_Ramblings: "Hey look, there's a deer frolicking in the woods over there!" Deer: What the hell did you say I was doing?
@Qckhd: Girlfriend kept nagging at me to put the toilet seat down. So here I am, crying in the middle of a field, with the seat & a shotgun.
@david8hughes: [baby wakes up in the middle night] "Go back to sleep, hun. I'll sort it out." [puts baby on eBay]