@MoistPork: Have your tribal tattoo call my tramp stamp and let's make beautiful, douchey babies together.
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@shanethevein: The best thing about Twitter is that I can reveal my deepest and darkest secrets and you dumbasses think I'm joking.
@hazelmotes1: Having daughters is great if you want to get yelled at every time you hit a butterfly with your car.
@TheDreamGhoul: When someone asks "What's your favorite film?" instead of "What's your favorite movie?" I know instantly that my answer will disappoint them
@fro_vo: [job interview] Interviewer: are you familiar with microsoft word Me: yes i've heard that word many times