@MoistPork: Have your tribal tattoo call my tramp stamp and let's make beautiful, douchey babies together.
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@comer310: Me: Who will I share the sunset with now?! *sobs* Friend: Bad breakup? Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.
@MariyaAlexander: I had this nightmare that Salma Hayek and Kevin Hart were trying to tell me something at the same time and expected me to understand it
@BlairLoudly: Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat's just being dramatic.
@lianamaeby: The woman seated next to me wanted to know if San Francisco is near the water. I replied, "What's water?" so she wouldn't feel stupid.