@ClaytonSykes: Having a beard makes it easier to hatch a scheme, but it's getting harder and harder to play on a public swing set by myself.
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@TheTobbie: I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND WHY SOMEBODY WOULD BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON-oh, never mind, I found it...
@Brampersandon_: I was pretty nervous doing stand-up in front of a bunch of nudists but then I imagined the crowd in their underwear and it helped so much.
@Sanbel11: I wasn't going to follow you but that bible verse in your bio totally changed my mind.
@geowizzacist: (Final maths exam) Q: what are the two small horizontal parallel lines? a) double negative b) equals c) eleven fell over