@panmidwest: Having a mustache is a great way to stop people from drawing a mustache on you in permanent marker while you sleep.
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@Marlebean: Me: Shut the door, I need privacy 4y/o: But we're family! Me: Families don't watch each other go poop 4:You watch me poop! Me:...take a seat
@TattleTSister: Halloween is the perfect time to trick people into believing you aren't really going to use that ice pick you're carrying around.
@DBMaxP: Nothing says "Proper Retirement Planning" like a garbage can full of losing lottery tickets