@Nrvous1: Having an Internet girlfriend is easier than having a real girlfriend because I don't have to suck my gut in.
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@215potter: My neighbor's facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
@gabemakesmusic: I was kicked out of karate class today for describing everything the instructor did as "senseitational"
@dafloydsta: [asking a girl out] ME: So do you have a dog? HER: Yes, I do. She's very playful. ME: *nervously* Do you know if she's busy later?