@Discourt: Having children teaches you patience, humility, love and to never, ever, be surprised when you find a Barbie doll leg clogging the toilet.
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@AristotlesNZ: Me: Diets suck. Why I gotta do it too? Her: No I in team Me: Isn't 1 in diet either. Her: Yes there.. Me: I'm too hungry for your mindgames!
@CornOnTheGoblin: We have to operate now if the cancer spreads anymore you won't be able to tell the difference between people & food "Are you nuts?" Dear God
@realHamOnWry: Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I had no idea he was missing and I suddenly got nervous thinking I might be a suspect.
@JediGigi: *eats pizza out of box in bed *falls asleep *wakes up next to leftover pizza Voila! Breakfast in bed!