@Discourt: Having children teaches you patience, humility, love and to never, ever, be surprised when you find a Barbie doll leg clogging the toilet.
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@_MustBeArkaydia: Twitter is all fun and games until you get that text asking what that tweet was about.
@Beer_Blonde_: A younger man said I have a smokin hot body for an older woman... I'm not sure if I should thank him or put him in a time-out.
@AndyAsAdjective: [sound of can opening] wife: you're drinking a beer this early? me: c'mon...it's super bowl sunday wife: but we're still at church