@hazelmotes1: Having daughters is great if you want to get yelled at every time you hit a butterfly with your car.
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@LindseyEllison2: If you want to look mysterious I would suggest painting your cornea with a sharpie. Always works for me.
@Roweboat13G: For a good party trick, drill a hole in the top of your medicine cabinet and fill it with marbles before you invite people over.
@leshnevsky: Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away.
@WilliamRodgers: Me: Happy Easter! Taylor Swift: I hate Easter! It's all a lie! Me: The Jesus thing? Taylor Swift: Ya... Men don't come back after 3 Days!