@hazelmotes1: Having daughters is great if you want to get yelled at every time you hit a butterfly with your car.
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@causticbob: A salesman knocked on my door today. "Who currently provides your Internet?" he asked. I said, "My next door neighbour."
@Reverend_Scott: [sees cute girl jog by] "Imma run up and ask her out" [one block later still not caught up] "Ok, wow, we probably weren't soul mates anyway"
@DadandBuried: "Try it, it's so good!" "Come on, man. Just a taste." "I'm having some. Mmmm." "Trust me." Feeding my 2yo makes me feel like a drug dealer.