@hazelmotes1: Having daughters is great if you want to get yelled at every time you hit a butterfly with your car.
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@better_off_dad: 'It's nice & thick...you'll have to suck pretty hard.' - Why I lost my job at the ice cream parlor.
@werehedgehog: Don't go chasing waterfalls. *turns on tap* We have their children. They will come to us.
@Briidashian: Being a diabetic has proved to be difficult. For example, I can't have a sugar daddy.
@yonewt: To print a document from your laptop: 1. Select document 2. Click "Print" 3. Walk over to printer to see what the damn problem is this time