@MUMSIEesq: Having identical twins is great because if you misplace one you have a second copy.
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@DaHess1: Anytime I see a happy white couple in their 30's sitting in front of a laptop, I just assume they are filming a credit score commercial.
@Sophie2078: Me: Hey, baby. Want to come over? Him: No, I'm sorry. I'm contemplating the meaning of life. Me: I'm naked and alone 😏 Him: We all are...
@Hobo_Splendido: Sorry, there's a technical problem preventing me from RTing your tweets. Technically they're not funny.