@MUMSIEesq: Having identical twins is great because if you misplace one you have a second copy.
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@DanteEvilCat: That awkward moment when someone says "stop", and you don't know whether to respond with "collaborate and listen" or "hammer time."
@FlyoverJoel: The five years of life you gain by eating healthy are spent preparing healthy food.
@Jenny4ashley: Am I relying on you to cover up all these blood stains after murdering my ex? BLEACH I MIGHT BE
@hipchkk: The true irony in Taylor Swift singing about feeling 22 at age 23 is that I want to hit her in the face with a cast iron skillet.