@MUMSIEesq: Having identical twins is great because if you misplace one you have a second copy.
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@jjax44: A summer getaway for women that date younger guys in the bathroom & want to learn to carve cantaloupe? John Cougar Melon Camp
@SondraDeeMe: [train] GUY: Please take my seat. ME: *adjusts pillow in my top to feign pregnancy* Thank you. GUY: How far along are you? ME: 5 stops.
@WarrenHolstein: Melania Trump says her husband is "not Hitler." That's true. Hitler had a mustache and adult-sized hands.
@thestlouisan: -Crowded Restaurant- Me: Table for four, please. [seated] Me: Now, to get married & have two kids...