@atthecubicle: Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn't attend.
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@hazelmotes1: Frequently Asked Questions: 1) You did what? 3) How dare you? 53) Don't you know how numbering lists works?
@SortaBad: Executive: What should we name the mutant with neato magnetic powers? Me: [clearly joking] How about Mag-Neato? Exec: damn that's so good
@plumbur: Banning us to the couch is not as bad as you believe it is ladies. It makes us feel manly. Like we're camping. With an angry bear close by.
@jctwritesstuff: *hears Siren's song* *eyes glaze* *walks in a trance ten miles* *breaks window to donut shop* I'm here, Mistress. *eats everything* *dies*