@atthecubicle: Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn't attend.
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@Barknado69: [Marriage Counseling] Her: he always mixes two common sayings together that aren't relevant Me: well, blood is thicker than the early bird
@bacon_gillepic: Stuffs more popcorn in my face* Why don't bad guys in movies just paint the red wire green?
@mikejanson2: 5: Daddy whatcha doin'? Me: Cleaning my shot gun 5:Why? Me: Because one day a boy will like you 5:You mean like Ben? *racks the chamber*
@RevReee: I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.