@jtrulez: Having my oil changed today, but I need proof it's really changed. I've been hurt by oils before & I'm not going through that again.
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@NewDadNotes: God: you’re an amphibian. Frog: what does that mean? God: it means you can breathe on land and in the water. Frog: omg you mean I’m a mermaid? God: no that’s not what I- Frog: [whispers] I’m the littlest mermaid.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: It's not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants.
@INDlAN_: [phone call with ex] Me: you want to hang out tonight? Ex: sure. When & where? Me: no, we’re not going. It’s enough just to know you would.