@hobo_hands: Having swords for arms was a terrible first wish but it was a genie and I blurt weird things out when I panic.
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@Rollinintheseat: If you don't call your spouse "wonderful" when you're on a game show, you're legally required to get a divorce at the end of the show.
@MarfSalvador: [Morgue] Cop: Sir, I know it's tough but we need you to ID the body Me looking at corpse: *takes deep breath* Are—are you over 21?
@Dunn_Right: Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax We get it you're unoriginal and watch SOA Hold on my daughter Grey's Anatomy is crying
@RealDMK: If I ever go missing, just follow my kids. They can find me no matter where I try to hide!