@hobo_hands: Having swords for arms was a terrible first wish but it was a genie and I blurt weird things out when I panic.
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@hipstermermaid: "500 Days of Summer" was pretty good for a movie I was expecting to be about global warming.
@DanTaylorAuthor: Me: *gets in from fishing trip* Girlfriend: did you catch anything? Me: *sighs* just an old boot Girlfriend: okay, what's she called?
@Jenny4ashley: [leaving store without bag] Cashier: Forgetting something? "Oh wow, how embarrassing" *walks back to give her a hug and kiss on the lips*
@Awk0Tacoo: I covered my boyfriend's laptop in melted cheese and now he's really mad at me. I mean, what did he expect when he asked for Mac and cheese?