@PanicRestroom: He died doing two things he loved: making a toast sandwich and taking a bath
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@thatdutchperson: "If all your friends jumped" 'Yes' "But if they" 'Yes' "But" 'IF I EVER GET FRIENDS I'M GOING TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT ME TO, OK MOM?
@bombsydoll: *sees guy having a heart attack* me: quick somebody push a cookie in his mouth! person: isn't that for diabetics? me: it's what I would want
@Aredubbleyou: I hate being that creepy guy outside your window, but damn girl it's 7:30 already. You're gonna be late for work.