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@ojedge: He died doing what he loved; shouting 'boo!' behind horses.
@batkaren: We've secretly replaced Janet's coffee with melatonin capsules. Let's see if— okay yeah, she noticed. She looks pissed. Sleepy, but pissed…
@TheBeerGuy73: My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger.
So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex's car.
@kevnasto: I bet Jane didn't know Tarzan swings both ways.
@Kaminapun: *termites on date*
Waiter: what would you like to order, sir?
Termite: table for two.
@AnkCoupleTO: [almost at the moon]
Buzz: *explosive diarrhea* DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE TANG, ARMSTRONG?
Neil: *steals speech out of his pocket* nope