@ch000ch: he died doing what he loved: trying to put socks on with wet feet while standing next to a cliff
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@jimmytorosian: Me: I just souped up my car Person: What kind of engine did you put in it? *cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.
@thatdutchperson: "No points, illegal kick to the face." "But I'm the hero of this movie." "Fair enough, here's your trophy." -The Karate Kid
@rocket_roy: [Lizard Enterprises HQ] Lizard Boss: Um excuse me, do you work here? Snake balancing on 4 toothpicks (nervously): Uh yessir why do you ask?
@ParentNormal: Made a pact w/ my wife that if we’re 40 & kids haven’t stopped whining, we’ll meet at top of the Empire State Building so they can’t find us