@ch000ch: he died doing what he loved: trying to put socks on with wet feet while standing next to a cliff
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Am I original? -Yeaaah. Am I the only one? -Yeaaah. Do you wanna build a snowman? -Go away, Anna. Ok byyyyye.
@TheresNoGodzila: Me: So what do you do? Date: I work with animals Me: *imagining an office ran entirely by golden retrievers in suits* Your job sounds fun
@StormErika: People keep escaping from maximum security jails and I can't even manage to leave 5 minutes early from work.
@jordan_stratton: According to commercials, a woman's primary goal in life is to lock in moisture.