@Ristolable: He died doing what he loved: typing his symptoms into WebMD instead of going to the doctor
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@LurkAtHomeMom: *Mary Poppins voice* Ok, children! Time to go! [15 min later] *Batman voice* I said let's go.
@KngHnryVIII: If God had wanted us to drink in moderation he wouldn't have put wine in barrels. #inspiration
@phalguy: How do Tie Fighter pilots see sideways? How do Stormtroopers go to the bathroom? *Star Wars thoughts that keep me awake at night.
@AHMalcolm: Conan: Texas recently had 9 earthquakes in a day. But don’t worry: Scientists are hard at work figuring out exactly what God was angry about