@jnrbtsn: He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it's all screaming and shit.
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@TylerLinkin: A news report says hackers stole $1 Billion dollars from banks around the world. And several pens.
@JessObsess: [Starbucks] What can I get you? I'll have a large coffee, black "You don't have to say black" I'll have a large coffee, African American
@pbear79: If you have a gluten allergy I feel bad for you son. I got 99 pizzas and you can't eat one.
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: M: I have what they call animal magnetism. H: *sidles up to me* *winks* Oh yeah? M: Uh-huh. *points to squirrel affixed to stray cat*