@jnrbtsn: He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it's all screaming and shit.
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@DurtMcHurtt: Some guys look classy carrying a flask. I look like a degenerate alcoholic, I dunno, maybe it's my trackpants. Who's house is this?
@robdelaney: My uncle was found dead in his office last night by cleaning staff. I'm glad because he wore Crocs to my wedding in 2006.