@jnrbtsn: He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it's all screaming and shit.
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@murrman5: "do you know the best way to get rid of a wasp nest?" no, try using your phone [throws phone and hits wasp nest] *running* I meant google it
@_ShutUpKate: *gets eaten by a shark* At funeral: "She died doing what she loved...*sob*...feeding the animals."