@jnrbtsn: He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it's all screaming and shit.
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@Brianhopecomedy: A guy that was falsely imprisoned for 10 years got free tickets to the Super Bowl. That guy is SO lucky.
@darksideang: My husband gets so cranky when I come home from the pool with only a fraction of the kids I left with
@meganamram: Just heard about this teacher who had sex with his student. Another reason I won't send MY dog to obedience school