@_Tempo11: He said he wanted to "put more than just words in my mouth" and I was like "I hope you mean hamburgers."
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@Vodkantots: "We hug and kiss, but people just don't lick each other." -yet another lie I just told my toddler
@Mr_Kapowski: [restaurant] Man *proposing to his gf*: "Will you make me the happiest man alive?" [me, alone, eating nachos a table over] "Not possible"