@_Tempo11: He said he wanted to "put more than just words in my mouth" and I was like "I hope you mean hamburgers."
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@beefman138: Steve : I'm going to call it the Steveharmonic orchestra. *Phil creeps up from behind with baseball bat*
@dreamthievin: I get out of awkward dinner party convos by telling people it's my first outing since the psychiatrist declared me unfit to stand trial
@Aspersioncast: I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
@michaeljhudson: Prank: put a bucket of water on top of the door, then shoot your roommate in the stomach. When the cops come, they get soaking wet!