@Douchekevin: Heading out for drinks, bail money's on top of the fridge.
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@eric10F: Tried to pick a booger off my phone screen. Ended up calling my mom, signing up for AOL and getting an online degree in refrigerator repair
@ahamedweinberg: 2015. Worse than the death of paper is the death of staplers. Rest in peace you sexy plastic alligators.
@iwearaonesie: Me*taps wife's shoulder*Whatcha doin? wife:Meditating me*still tapping*Why? wife: It helps me relax me*still tapping* Is it working? wife:No