@primawesome: Health food? Baby, my body is a '93 Honda hatchback with a headlight out. I'm not about to start putting premium gas in it now.
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@Playing_Dad: My cousin had his hand amputated in a tragic accident. Luckily, he was able to find a replacement at a second hand store.
@Jenny4ashley: Joke's on you, jerk that sold me oregano instead of weed. I was going to make pizza sauce anyway.
@liv_thatsme: Me (blindfolded): It’s “brains,” right? Manager at Olive Garden: If u don’t get your hands out of that woman’s pasta, I’m calling the cops.