@DzNutz83: Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
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@ericsshadow: My wife reads two books a week and I just told my son that an idiom is a group of idiots.
@TheRolo: [At a San Francisco Dance Club] *Grinds cute girl in a mini-skirt* Hey baby, what's your name? "Robert"
@fightforfood: When you guys describe me to your families do you use the word tigress? I'd prefer if you included tigress
@weinerdog4life: How do I stay in shape? I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it