@DzNutz83: Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
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@Jaywoo74: Wife: You act like a child with that phone. Me: Child? I'm a grown ass man. Wife: Let me see your phone. Me: No. *snatches phone Me: MINE
@TheSharona06: [Divorce court] Her: I found his Twitter account. I want a divorce. Judge: He was cheating? Her: No, he was doing inspirational tweets.