@junejuly12: Hearing them call a 25 year old hockey player a 'veteran' and a 28 year old player 'old' has done zilch for my self esteem today
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: [Bookstore] Me: *hands over Tangled coloring book* Cashier: How old is your daughter? Me: [sweating nervously] Of course it is
@prettysadmostly: Im on a date I want to leave how do i leave without-nevermind I said that out loud he left
@uncle_fescue: Buddy: her boyfriend was killed? Me: Yeah, she said he was hung like a horse but I'm like, who even kills horses like that?
@amydillon: "Shh...it took an hour, but I think he's finally asleep." *fireworks go off outside* *opens window* I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE