@Home_Halfway: Helen Hunt but only when Helen hungry.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@PantsDonkey: Everyone please stop saying that today's date only happens once. EVERY date only happens once, that's how time works.
@joeljeffrey: That awkward sexual tension when everyone leaves the kitchen and you're left all alone with a chocolate cake.
@david8hughes: [at the vets] He's really bad. He can't fly. "He's a cat though." [very sarcastically] oh I'm sorry is this the vets or the excuses clinic?
@daemonic3: U-HAUL, may I help you? "You have any moving boxes?" No all our boxes stay still "Well you better go- wait what?" Stop calling here, Dad