@iwearaonesie: Hell hath no fury like a woman who doesn't remember asking you to wake her up from a nap
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@AnOrangeSNES: Nine out of ten doctors agree that dying is bad for your health. The other doctor is clad in a dark robe and carrying a scythe.
@KentWGraham: All it takes is a “food dreadful, service poor” Yelp review to get your mother-in-law to stop inviting you to Sunday dinner.
@dumbbeezie: I dropped food on the floor and my dog got excited but it was just tomato. I catfished my dog