@iwearaonesie: Hell hath no fury like a woman who doesn't remember asking you to wake her up from a nap
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@underchilde: If you buy a Mustang and don’t rev the engine at every red light, the bank will repossess it.
@QwertyJones3: I joined a poker tournament with a bunch of people who do origami. I'm gonna dominate, cause these guys always fold.
@laurenmacdonald: I use the phrase "when I win the lottery" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.