@causticbob: Hell yeah I’m a catholic i’ve been addicted to cats my whole life
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@KyleMcDowell86: Why do u wanna work at Burger King? *imagines killing the Burger King & taking my rightful place as king* "I haven't taken my meds in weeks"
@Jake_Vig: HER: [walks in wearing lingerie] See anything you like? ME: I don’t think that will fit me.
@Robert_Beau: Sunday Family Dinner: Mother In Law: Isn't that your third glass of wine? Me: Isn't that your third husband? MIL: M: MIL: M: Gravy?