@causticbob: Hell yeah I’m a catholic i’ve been addicted to cats my whole life
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@Ygrene: Me: I'm nervous about mingling at the party Wife: Just talk about stuff anyone can relate to [Party] Me: HI I UNDERSTAND YOU TOO ARE HUMAN
@TankCesar: My doctor tells me I'm healthy enough for sexual activity...I'm just not attractive enough.
@Sarcasticsapien: The best thing about going on a date with a sarcastic person is that no matter what happens they're going to tell you they had a great time.
@maddyalou: Son: Will you please just try to act normal today? Me: You're going to have to be more specific.