@causticbob: Hell yeah I’m a catholic i’ve been addicted to cats my whole life
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@zachreinert03: Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich
@AimeeHelene1: *goes in fridge; makes sandwich* *grabs beer* *sits on couch; turns on TV* Him: Ma'am, this is an open house Me: I need the full experience
@sageboggs: "OH MY SWEET GOD BE CAREFUL. OH- OH MY DEAr LORD GOD. HOW? HOW??" -me watching gymnastics
@TheJamieLee: Never understand when someone says, "cats are snobby." Like dogs are constantly inviting you & the kids over for burgers & a swim?