@CornOnTheGoblin: Hello 911? I was doing that thing where you pretend to walk down stairs behind a couch only it worked. I have no idea where I am. Help me.
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@pharmasean: Good thing most planes have TVs. Nothings worse than having to look out the window at Earths sacred majesty from the point of view of angels
@Amusitr0n: No toilet paper. My training kicks in. I barrel roll under the stall & onto the lap of the person in the next stall. I did not plan for this
@yonewt: Congratulations, FB friend looking forward to an anniversary dinner tonight with your "sweatie"
@JMFnSparks: Dear men, I can make your girl scream louder than you can ever make her! Love, Spiders