@TheTennisPhenom: hello 911, yeah me again. so listen 29 of my recent tweets have been stolen and.. hello? hello?
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@iwearaonesie: wife: What would you do if 9 told you he was gay? me [looking for the remote] Ask him if he's seen the remote
@joeljeffrey: A man fought off a polar bear yesterday using only his cell phone... it was probably a blackberry. The bear was so disgusted he just left.
@dsylixec: If you're trying to kidnap me, just wave a bag of cookies and throw it in a windowless van. I will happily and hungrily follow.
@JimmySelfDest: Mother in law found me... On the twitter This will be converted into a pineapple upside down cake blog for the next 72 hours. I'm so sorry