@jus4golf: Helping a few people complete their bucket list so they will just die already.
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@HeyZeus666: I've been eating sunflower seeds and Tweeting for 9 hours. Now I know what my canary feels like.
@KeetPotato: me: "i taught this chimp to say words" chimp: "nice haircut" reporter: "oh my god.. does he know anything else?" me: "sarcasm apparently"
@UnFitz: If I see a dog in a hot car, I'm always troubled. Why don't I have a hot car like that? How much does that dog make per year?
@ericsshadow: [emergency room] DOCTOR: Point to what's causing you the most pain ME: I can't, they're at home playing xbox