@drinksmcgee: Her: I’m so glad to finally meet you. I usually don’t meet men from the internet because they could be a serial killer or something. Hahaha.
Me: Hahaha. Define “serial”.
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@TheMichaelRock: If you hate yourself, just drink alcohol like an adult; there's no need to vote for Trump.
@LostFelicia: If your kids are big enough to get on a ride without help, I will fight them for the last carousel horse.
@justokdane: tree: morning me: oh hey tree: yo lemme get a hit of that carbon dioxide bro me: [exhales on tree] tree: [leaves all shakin'] ooooh ya baby that's the stuff
@ClichedOut: my grandpa: [watching me set up an email account] your password is 8 stars?
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