@notfaizzy: ...her name was April, and her only son went on to become a comedian but everyone just called him: April's fool.
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@davedittell: MY HOT WIFE: want to go down on me? [three minutes later] *riding my wife down the water slide* YEAHHHH
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: I love the oaky, earthen taste of this wine. FRIEND: Mine is both crisp and full-bodied. ME: [corks on my teeth] I am Count Corkula.
@BuckyIsotope: [deathbed] Son….come closer “Yes dad?” We need a new man of the house “I’d-” *presses fake mustache into his hands* Give this to your sister