@KKAlThani: Here's what I know about girls. If she's angry, it will pass. If she goes silent, leave the country, change your name & start a new life.
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@thenatewolf: Netflix: we are the top online streaming service. Best in the world. Me: can I rewind 10 seconds without ruining everything? Netflix: no
@philgibson01: "This undercooked pasta is an absolute car crash" What do you mean? "It's all denty"
@Parkerlawyer: My client's (soon to be ex) wife just flipped me off in the courthouse parking lot, so yeah, I'm obviously doing my job right.
@Cali_Kid_Mike: Yesterday I told my aunt that DTF means "Doing the Facebook". Her daily posts are much more entertaining now.