@GrandadJFreeman: "Hey babe, you smell that?" "No." "Me neither, start cooking."
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@CelebrityChez: How to make pasta: -Boil water. -Put what you think couldn't possibly be too much pasta in the pot. -Wrong. -Start an Italian restaurant.
@GaryJanetti: When I was in my twenties we didn't have hipsters we had AIDS, which was almost as bad.
@Awk0Tacoo: Every chick magazine ever: You're beautiful and are perfect just the way you are! How to loose ten pounds in ten days you fat, ugly cow.