@GrandadJFreeman: "Hey babe, you smell that?" "No." "Me neither, start cooking."
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@krispythehuman: How to use eyeliner: 1. Draw a thin line on your top & bottom eyelids 2. Oops too thick, try to even them out 3. Colour your whole face in
@daemonic3: This year I'm the Invisible Man for Halloween, according to this bartender that apparently hasn't seen me standing here for an hour
@onion_an: Gf: Remember that night we had unprotected sex Me: Yeah Gf: I'm having twins Me suspiciously: We only did it once why's there two babies