@RebelEll: Hey boy, are you an astronaut? Cause you’re invading my space
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@Shower4Thought: I wonder if a murderer has ever crossed my path, contemplated murdering me, and then thought "nah".
@pittdave13: First date Me: have you ever taken a selfie with a dog face filter? Her: Yes, I love those! Me: Well look at the time this has been fun...
@weinerdog4life: I scream, you scream, my puppet screams, my other puppet screams, the waiter screams, this is the worst first date ever
@Sarcasticsapien: Someone angrily told me "You're so sarcastic!" That would be like me angrily telling a woman "You're so beautiful!"