@AaronFullerton: Hey cell phone companies, I can't think of a more terrifying selling point than "Unlimited Talk."
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@RobertDuffy91: I refrain from jogging in the morning because according to Law & Order: SVU there is a 95% chance you'll find a dead body
@Storminika: I walked past a lady in her car with convertible down. She locked the door out of fear. So I smacked her in the back of the head & ran way
@mattytalks: I have a rare muscle disease that causes my hands to write racist things that I don't remember later. The Doctor is calling it Ron Palsy
@bobby: [holding a playstation controller while i watch Friends and pretending i'm controlling chandler]