@TheMichaelRock: Hey chubby dudes rockin' tight polo shirts. Nope.
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@murrman5: [during dinner on a date] "I'm currently in university" how long is your degree? "normally a year, but I have dial up, so probably 2"
@FlyJ_: I went for a long walk yesterday and my pants are still tight today. This is not how exercise is supposed to work.
@msbtx: "Snitches get stitches," I whisper to my 3 year old as he watches me brush Oreo crumbs from the bed sheets.
@audipenny: [speaking very loudly to no one trying to impress someone nearby] Man what am I going to do with all these hens