@TheMichaelRock: Hey chubby dudes rockin' tight polo shirts. Nope.
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@FunnyMojoJojo: I went to bed last night and my brother came out of the closet and scared the shit out of me, I forgot we were playing hide and seek...
@Cravin4: Pro Tip: On 20th wedding anniversary, giving wife a book called "The Many Benefits of Kegels". Is not a great idea. I know this now.
@BlindChow: [hospital] Looks like ur Vine went viral. "Yay!" Sorry ur VEIN went viral…you have a fatal blood disease. "So wait–my Vine didn't go viral?"