@jimelliott5000: Hey everyone, my mom's following me on Twitter now, so ixnay on all the eetstway about the ugsdray and exsay and acismray. Thanks
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AristotlesNZ: Me: Diets suck. Why I gotta do it too? Her: No I in team Me: Isn't 1 in diet either. Her: Yes there.. Me: I'm too hungry for your mindgames!
@JustDontBugMe: Her: Those ants are working so hard. Me: We could learn from them. Ant1: Humans are staring. Ant2: Yes, they'll spray some shit on us. Run!
@KeetPotato: wife: "just break it to him gently" me: "ok ill try" [tucking son in bed] me: [opening story book] "once upon a time your grandma's dead"
@jergarl: [At urinal maker store] Urinal maker: Let's make some of them curved so the pee splashes on their legs LOL. Other urinal maker: K. LOL