@jimelliott5000: Hey everyone, my mom's following me on Twitter now, so ixnay on all the eetstway about the ugsdray and exsay and acismray. Thanks
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@crunchenhancer: Never go to a combination dentist / proctologist..... but if you do, get the dental work first.
@MartaEffing: I hug my Uber driver at the airport so people will think I have a family that loves me.
@ShaunRightNow: Yeah I'm married, but get one thing straight, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanfdsskk THIS IS SHAUN'S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
@richardosman: My daughter is in China and sends me photos of mis-translations. This is my new favourite.