@BoutCrazed: Hey Febreze, I don't go around with garbage in my car, but if nobody could tell I just smoked a joint in there, I might buy some.
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@iAmDelFreaky: Every time I eat a banana in public, a stranger offers me money to do it in private. I ate 32 bananas today & made $725. I have diarrhea.
@Reverend_Scott: How to end an interview: 1. Thank them for their time. 2. Shake their hand firmly. 3. Firmer. 4. Firmer yet. 5. BREAK HIS HAND YOU MUST WIN
@ChrisHallbeck: How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.
@Tups13: Her: You know what turns me on? Adventurers who survive adversity. Me: Once I got lost inside my duvet cover and thought I was going to die.