@BoutCrazed: Hey Febreze, I don't go around with garbage in my car, but if nobody could tell I just smoked a joint in there, I might buy some.
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@ShittyComedian: No officer the joke's on you. That breathalyzer will never tell you how much acid I dropped tonight.
@hippieswordfish: absolutely despicable that gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh
@Dr_powpow: I'm sorry I poked your baby with your selfie stick but I didn't really know what to do with either of them.
@Book_Krazy: [interview] "How would you describe your people skills?" ME: I tend to drive others away. "That's great! Welcome to Uber."