@nerdgirlcomedy: Hey feminists, 70% of a penny for your thoughts?
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@WaltzingRhino: E-Mail: Drive her wild in the bedroom. Me: Feh...I'll drive her wild in the kitchen *Re-arranges the dishwasher.
@sad_tree: *paramedic holds me as a I lay dying* ME: Tell my family.. all I ever wanted..was a robot butler PM: With a top hat? ME: Of course you idiot
@rickolantern: My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I'd have to stay away from carbs So I've been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
@weinerdog4life: No time to explain, I need 300 copies of this cat! *throws cat at Kinko's employee