@nerdgirlcomedy: Hey feminists, 70% of a penny for your thoughts?
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@EJGomez: guy: my dog just died girl who studied abroad: wow that reminds of this one time in Europe i saw a dog
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Why do robbers steal money? Me: So they can buy stuff. 4: Why don’t they just steal the stuff? She’s a criminal mastermind.
@trevso_electric: When two girls hate each other, they say "we should DEFINITELY hang out" and then take turns shouting "definitely!" until one of them dies.