@TySmithdrums: Hey, girl. Are you a potato? because I'm about to. Mash. You. Up. Oh. You ARE a potato. And a talking potato at that. My meds aren't working
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@LoveNLunchmeat: If I ever get a Roomba, I'm gonna be totally irresponsible and just throw crumbs on the floor for fun.
@deedragonhunter: Beer: When are you coming home. Me: Right away honey. See. Marriage works. Just choose the right wife.
@Bandersnaaatch: Trapped on a train in the snow, and honestly, none of these people look appetizing.