@TySmithdrums: Hey, girl. Are you a potato? because I'm about to. Mash. You. Up. Oh. You ARE a potato. And a talking potato at that. My meds aren't working
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@torrami: My parents and teachers told me I could be whatever I wanted to be but I'm 28 years old now and I'm still not a crime-fighting mermaid :(
@PaperWash: *Takes ex girlfriend's poem on Antiques Road Show* Sir these are worthless *Winks at camera* Told you Karen!
@Underchilde: I opened Twitter at a red light once, and when I looked up, a week had passed and I was sitting in police impound.